March 2012
TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAIN
You can always rely on food to cheer you up.
- Aries: Yeah hold on I'm just going to make a really risky decision...
- Taurus: OKAY WHO SAID I WAS WRONG?! FUCK YOU, BITCH I AM RIGHT.
- Gemini: Commitment? FUCK. RUN AWAY!
- Cancer: *sobbing hysterically in a corner*
- Leo: EVERYONE LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM. DAMMIT, I SAID LOOK! FUCK!
- Virgo: LOOK AT THE MESS OF THIS FUCKING PLACE!
- Libra: ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT!
- Scorpio: SO. FUCKING. HORNY. ALL. THE. TIME.
- Sagittarius: CAN EVERYONE HURRY THE FUCK UP.
- Capricorn: *busy scheming ambitiously in a corner*
- Aquarius: *not even paying attention to anyone and is lost in their own dreamland*
- Pisces: I still have no idea what I want. Nor what is going on.
- Son of a bitch this is freakishly accurate.
You say I'm dirty minded... but how did you understand what I meant?
“When your mother hits you, do not strike back. When the boys call asking your cup size, say A, hang up. When he says you give him blue balls, say you’re welcome. When a girl with thick black curls who smells like bubble gum stops you in a stairwell to ask if you’re a boy, explain that you keep your hair short so she won’t have anything to grab when you head-butt her. Then head-butt her. When a guidance counselor teases you for handed-down jeans, do not turn red. When you have sex for the second time and there is no condom, do not convince yourself that screwing between layers of underwear will soak up the semen. When your geometry teacher posts a banner reading: “Learn math or go home and learn how to be a Momma,” do not take your first feminist stand by leaving the classroom. When the boy you have a crush on is sent to detention, go home. When your mother hits you, do not strike back. When the boy with the blue mohawk swallows your heart and opens his wrists, hide the knives, bleach the bathtub, pour out the vodka. Every time. When the skinhead girls jump you in the bathroom stall, swing, curse, kick, do not turn red. When a boy you think you love delivers the first black eye, use a screw driver, a beer bottle, your two good hands. When your father locks the door, break the window. When a college professor writes you poetry and whispers about your tight little ass, do not take it as a compliment, do not wait, call the Dean, call his wife. When a boy with good manners and a thirst for Budweiser proposes, say no. When your mother hits you, do not strike back. When the boys tell you how good you smell, do not doubt them, do not turn red. When your brother tells you he is gay, pretend you already know. When the girl on the subway curses you because your tee shirt reads: “I fucked your boyfriend,” assure her that it is not true. When your dog pees the rug, kiss her, apologize for being late. When he refuses to stay the night because you lived in Jersey City, do not move. When he refuses to stay the night because you live in Harlem, do not move. When he refuses to stay the night because your air conditioner is broken, leave him. When he refuses to keep a toothbrush at your apartment, leave him. When you find the toothbrush you keep at his apartment hidden in the closet, leave him. Do not regret this. Do not turn red. When your mother hits you, do not strike back.”
—
“Unsolicited Advice to Adolescent Girls With Crooked Teeth and Pink Hair,” Jeanann Verlee (via bluegingham)
Damn.
(via egyptianprincess)
The awkward moment when you see an old friend
Expectati
Reality :
If you see a hot person
Normal girls try to be sexy
Normal boys try to be cool
Me:
